In an unexpected announcement, Wentworth Miller publicly came out as gay last month, and now he's discussing his struggle coming to terms with his identity. "The first time I tried to kill myself I was 15. I waited until my family went away for the weekend and I was alone in the house and I swallowed a bottle of pills," Miller said in a speech at the Human Rights Campaign gala at the Sheraton Seattle Hotel on Saturday.
"I don't remember what happened over the next couple days, but I'm pretty sure come Monday morning I was on a bus back to school pretending everything was fine," Miller said. "And when someone asked me if that was a cry for help, I say no, because I told no one. You only cry for help if you believe there's help to cry for and I didn't. I wanted out. I wanted to go. At 15."
Miller continued, "Growing up I was a target. Speaking the right way, standing the right way, holding your wrist the right way. Every day was a test and there was a thousand ways to fail. A thousand ways to portray yourself to not live up to someone else's standards of what was accepted."
The actor also said he "chose to lie" when he began a career in Hollywood. "When I thought about the possibility of coming out, how that might impact me and the career I worked so hard for, I was filled with fear." But Wentworth eventually broke his silence overcoming his fears late August, when he publicly revealed his sexuality after being invited to attend a film festival in Russia, where "propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations around minors" and the public discussion of gay rights have been banned.
"As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes," Miller wrote in the letter, posted on GLAAD's website. "However, as a gay man, I must decline."
"I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. ... The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly."
We're glad Wentworth overcame his struggles and praise him for sharing such intimate details of his private life. Suicide is not something to take lightly. If you or someone you know might be going through difficult times, always know there's a way to handle things so your life can have a positive outcome. Do not hesitate to seek help. You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
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